


Never Simple, Never Easy

by EllieCee



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Gen, also hints of mental illness, canon compliant if that even counts w rpf lol, just a little hint of depression/anxiety so tw for that, my take on zaynmageddon 2k15, very sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-06-09
Packaged: 2018-03-20 18:43:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3661038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieCee/pseuds/EllieCee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Zayn leaves One Direction, he goes off grid and the boys don't hear from him again. Seven years later, they all cross paths again, but this time, Zayn has reinvented himself into a different person. Will he let them in this time? Will they get closure?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Please don't read if you're OT5 af, because this is the exact opposite of it. I kinda headcanon they didn't end in good terms because of all the mess that's been on Twitter and what-not. Also because I'm dramatic and I want to write the screenplay for 1D's biopic. So please, this is very sad and not bittersweet or any of that.**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **Understand I'm not trying to dig on anyone in the band and I'm not trying to make any of them look like assholes or the bad guy. I just wrote what I felt like they'd say out of anger or hurt, and what would make sense for a fallout.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Disclaimer that I don't claim any of this to be the truth, this is fictionalized except for the actual things that actually happened in here and you know what they are. I also don't claim that Zayn has any mental illnesses, I know media has said it but until he says it himself I'm not going to assume. This is a work of fiction and it's more than likely this isn't how it went down. Thanks.**

When something happens, even if it's all about one of them, they all bear the brunt of the headache. When the pictures of Zayn and Lauren came out, they were whisked away into some little room somewhere in the depths of their hotel. When they got there, Zayn sat in the furthermost corner, hair in his face, faraway look in his eyes.

"He's leaving for a bit," their manager said with no hesitation. He glanced at Zayn for a moment before returning his eyes to the four of them.

There was silence for a moment until Louis piped, his voice echoing in the room.

"Mate, you're doing  _this_ now?" he said, "You couldn't wait 'till the end of tour?"

Their stomachs sunk. It was inevitable, but they didn't know it'd be so soon. They remembered that grim meeting back in November. Everyone's been tense around the edges, and only Louis managed to keep good spirits around Zayn since then. 

Zayn pushed a strand of hair from his face. 

"No, it's just a break," he said, "I'll come back soon."

Liam furrowed his eyebrows and clasped his hands together. 

"Really?" he asked, voice sharp, "If you're going to quit now, just go out with it."

Harry sighed and turned away. Niall fiddled with his thumbs, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

"You know I'm not sure," Zayn replied firmly, "I'll decide while I'm away. You've known this for months."

Niall looked up for a moment before saying, "We did...we  _do._ But if you're leaving this soon, we never had time to make peace with it."

"What part of I'll decide later didn't you hear?" Zayn said, frustration ringing in his voice, "Nothing's set in stone. And this isn't about  _you._ It's about me, for once this time. You know I've had problems with...you know."

It felt cold hearing him say it out loud for the first time. They'd all remembered when Louis told them he saw a bottle of Xanax in Zayn's things, they'd all remembered seeing Zayn take it. They just never spoke about it. He didn't either. Now that he did, it seemed like the elephant sitting between the five of them disappeared.

"Sorry," Niall mumbled.

"Look, I'm not going to tell you what to do because I don't know what you go through," Liam suddenly said, "But what about us, huh? Abandoning us like that?"

Zayn rose from his seat and slammed his palms against the arm rests.

"You don't think I haven't thought about that?" he exclaimed, "I do and it eats me alive. But nothing's going to change if I leave, Liam. You'll still get paid and you won't have to split the money five ways."

Liam's eyes grew, but before he could respond, Harry piped up. 

"You  _know_ it's not about that!"

Zayn laughed and it sounded cold.

"Really Harry?" he said, before stopping himself. 

"Whatever, let him go. He doesn't care about any of this shite anymore, anyway," Niall whispered under his breath.

"Oh, that's adorable, Niall," Zayn replied, malice in his voice, "if I remember correctly, you -"

"Boys, that's enough!" their manager yelled. 

They all fell silent, but the tension in the room grew thicker.

"But Niall has a point," Louis said softly, "Do you even care about us anymore, mate?"

Zayn rolled his eyes and turned on his heel.

"Shut up," he said, "You can go smoke weed with Niall. Give him the keys to the van, yeah?"

That was the last time they saw him. He stormed out of the room, and the very next day his room was emptied and all traces of him gone.

 

Louis found some of his missing sweatshirts in his hotel room bed that next day. Along with keys to the mystery machine. A yellow post-it was stuck to it, "for niall" scribbled in messy handwriting. Louis crumpled it up and threw it in the bin.

 

They didn't talk about it. They were advised not to. But they didn't want to anyway.

It was quickly brought up after a soundcheck.

"Do you think he's gone for good?" Harry asked.

"Dunno," Louis replied quickly, finishing trying the laces on his shoes.

"Nah," Liam said, "He'll come back to finish it. No way he's paying all that money to get out of the contract now."

"I guess," Niall replied.

They did their first show without him that night. 

 

Louis tried to text him the days followed. No reply. 

 

Just hours before March 25th, they got called down by their manager again, to yet another little hidden room in the hotel. 

The four of them sat down and before their manager could speak they knew.

He was gone for good.


	2. After All These Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I read the comments and I thought I would clear things up first.
> 
> I support Zayn's decision to leave. He obviously is no longer happy in the band. Now he's never said himself if he suffers from mental illness, so I'll take what the media says with a grain of salt, but, if he does, please don't devalidate that because he released a demo with Naughty Boy. For many reasons. One, just because he has anxiety/depression, doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy making music anymore. The only difference now is that he gets to do it the way he wants to, without the pressure of being in a huge boyband, without the frantic schedule and non-stop touring. He can go his own pace, and he can present himself the way he wants. Just because he might be shooting for a solo career doesn't mean his intention is to get as famous as One Direction. And considering that article, Zayn was never directly quoted about when he's going to start his solo career. He even said he wasn't going to do anything immediately, he just wants to chill for a bit. And lastly, the demo Naughty Boy put out was a song that was supposed to be in Four.
> 
> This is coming from someone who has suffered anxiety her whole life, in case you were going to question my credibility. 
> 
> I don't think Zayn "betrayed" the band. He wasn't part of a blood pact, he didn't get there and steal all their money. He simply left a job he no longer felt was right for him. 
> 
> Now that my thoughts on this is out of the way, here's another chapter. Again, what I'm writing is fiction based on true events. Please don't think I believe this really happened.

* * *

 

**7 years later**

 

* * *

 

 

"If only stage effects were this fancy when we were touring, eh Payno?" Louis said, flipping holographic switches on and off.

Liam took a gulp of water before shaking his head. "30 years old and still a pain in the arse," he said, laughing.

"You know me," Louis replied.

 

O2 was different now - a whole lot different than before. It was still as huge as ever, but sleeker and shinier now. When Harry finally got there (he showed up the latest, 3 hours late, his dog had thrown up) he took a glance at the chrome walls and glass paneling inside and whistled.

"Lads, you notice everything's starting to look like those science fiction movies," he said.

They all laughed.

The sound person arrived just moments later, securing the mic packs on them, much noticeably lighter and less bulky than they'd been in their hey day. 

"Newest models these are," Niall commented as the sound person stuck the pack on his trousers, "Lots of people I work with still use the models from last year."

"Wish we got to use these," Liam added, "Doesn't feel like they're there. Even the models from last year work great."

Louis fiddled with the settings until the sound person threw a look at him. 

"Sorry mate," Louis apologized, "I don't really get to use these much anymore."

The sound person rolled their eyes and promptly told them the stage is theirs to rehearse on for the next four hours.

Liam jogged to the sound booth as the other three positioned themselves on stage. 

 

They felt it again, the fizz and the spark in their veins, despite the fact they were staring at a near empty arena. Their ears almost rung at the memory of the screaming crowds - it was strange to come back to it after five years. 

It was silent, nothing but Liam's faint voice from the sound booth as they waited for him to get their tracks settled. They were all old songs from way back when, some remixed, some the same. They'd all spoke over chat and decided it'd be better if it were songs old fans could cry to.

Tomorrow was going to be exciting, the arena was already decorated for the event. scrolling banners naming all of the big charity concert's performers. Some new names, some old. Some people Louis and Liam had produced, some who'd worked with Niall. Some Harry had written for. Near the end of loop of the scrolling messages was written in big, flashing letters: and One Direction Reunion. It sent chills up their spine. 

"Almost ready," Liam called from the booth. The four of them absent-mindedly gave him a thumbs up. 

The intro boomed, an unrecognizable narrator speaking.

_Never be scared to dare to dream..._

Liam ran down to the stage.

_They started out as five boys on the stairs..._

Suddenly, the air grew thick. Even as Liam placed himself within the three of them there was still a strange, empty space.  _His_ space. They all thought it when the narration started, but they didn't say anything. 

They hadn't spoken to him since March 25th, 2015. 

In fact, he'd disappeared. And it'd been so long they liked to believe he was out of their thoughts, but sometimes he'd creep in and their chests would pang at the memory of his bitter goodbye. They wonder if things would have gone another way if they'd done something different. 

_Here they are...One Direction!_

But the narration ended and the music started, and there was no room to think about him any longer. The bad blood had simmered down long ago, but he became taboo after that. Like a wound to pick at. 

They spent the next four hours rehearsing and they sang his parts for him. No big deal. 

 

By the time they'd finished Mark Thorne, or Marcus Thompson, had shown up. He'd been buddy-buddy with Louis the past few years. Niall and Liam weren't too keen on him, but he kept quiet so they figured he wasn't much of a bother. And anyway, he'd been extremely influential and was the one who set up the charity concert and invited them. So if any of them had any bad words, they were sure they could hold it until they were home.

"Lou!" Mark or Marcus called, phone stick to his ear. 

"Mate!" Louis called back, hopping off the stage in a way that made Liam nervous.

"Props, he can still do that at thirty," Niall mumbled under his breath. Harry chuckled.

Louis nearly slid into Mark or Marcus and gave him a handshake. He always looked like the inside of the O2 Arena, he fancied those new, sharp-looking chrome clothing - especially the suits. He glanced at the other three before continuing on his conversation with Louis.

"His head is a little airy," Harry commented, "But I'm impressed he planned this whole charity concert."

Niall tapped his fingers along the surface of his mic pack. "He's hungry for publicity is what it is."

"Well at least he's using his hunger for attention to help people," Liam replied, shrugging. 

Louis did a ridiculous handshake with Mark or Marcus before lifting himself up the stage. He nearly toppled over into Niall if Harry hadn't caught him.

"Hey lads," Mark or Marcus called from below, "Since you're all here, I hope you wouldn't mind getting pictures with the charities we're donating to. They're coming in shortly for a press call."

Niall mouthed "I told you so" to Harry before Liam elbowed him.

"What do you say?" Louis asked, turning to them, that hopeful glint in his eyes present.

They all looked at each other for a beat, until Louis said "Come on, it wouldn't take long."

Liam softened and sighed.

"All right, I'll stay. Although I have to call Soph and Chelsea," Liam said, "Promised her I'd read her a story tonight."

"That's what phones are for Payno!" Louis exclaimed, "And thank you. How about you two? Don't tell me you both suddenly popped out kids."

Harry played with the hem of his shirt before agreeing to stay. Niall followed after.

"Yes!" Mark or Marcus said, "The charities will be excited. I'm sure there's some old fans there!"

 

They'd all forgotten that sometimes Mark or Marcus liked to stretch a bit of the truth. "They're coming in shortly" had been a flat-out lie. They'd sat in the arena for nearly three hours and had sent someone out for takeaway before Mark or Marcus got word that the charity organizations have started arriving in the parking lot. 

"Okay, okay," Mark or Marcus said into his phone, "Yes, send them in here before the press comes. Who's here? Oh okay, the choir, the animal shelter, and yes, I remember..."

"How long do you think pictures will take?" Liam whispered to Louis, "Soph has called me four times and Chelsea's been asking when I'd be home."

"Shh," Louis replied, "Not long, I hope not. Not all the charities are coming in, I've been told. Just some of the big ones."

"Heard him say an animal shelter is coming," Niall added, "You reckon they brought a dog or two for the pictures? Or is your friend scared of getting poo on his shoes?"

The three of them laughed as Louis rolled his eyes. 

"Listen, he actually has known the person who started that organization," Louis said matter-of-factly, "He has family up near the main shelter and he volunteers." 

"I don't think it counts when you pick up a kitten when the cameras flash," Niall said. Louis slapped his arm right as Mark or Marcus came back from the entrance, followed by a large group of people wearing organization shirts. They heard the sound of faint gasping coming from what looked like a choir as soon as the four of them were spotted.

"I have a treat for you all!" Mark or Marcus said, turning to the crowd behind him, "One Direction is here and they'll be taking pictures with you for the press call!"

A single scream came from somewhere in the middle of the crowd, until it was unanimous. It was loud and blaring, but the screams filled their chests with that familiar feeling.

 

The press arrived soon, and actually _soon,_ much to their delight. There was a choir, and another one with children. There was an organization for hunger and one for helping uni students pay off loans. There was that animal shelter organization and as they'd all thought they'd brought a couple animals - an old dog, two kittens, and some puppies, who barked and squeaked with every camera flash. Harry laughed as Mark or Marcus tiptoed around the animals as the press took their picture. 

It wasn't too bad. The picture taking went by swimmingly, and despite being bombarded with some old fans for pictures, it wasn't the same hectic orchestra that it was years ago. Mark or Marcus introduced them to some of the organization leaders. There was nice lady called Ellen Wright, who found the children's choir. She was pink and plump and Harry thought she smelled like his mum. Then there was the uni student organization, all ran by young-looking kids, which reminded the four of them of their hey day, except less famous and wearing more chrome. Some of the younger children had begun to pull on Louis and Niall's shirts asking them if they were indeed who had made their mums and former babysitters cry, to which they laughed and said yes.

After Mark or Marcus introduced them to the founder of the "Feed Those Who Need" charity, he spotted someone amidst the crowd and gasped.

"Oh, I didn't know he'd come! I can't believe it," Mark or Marcus exclaimed.

He turned back to the four of them and said, "Before you go, you _have_ to meet the founder of 'A Home for Paws'. He's a good friend of mine."

"Ahh," Louis said, "We finally get to meet your animal-loving friend."

"Yes, this bloke had the cash and put it towards puppies, a good example!" Mark or Marcus said as he disappeared in the crowd.

The four of them stood there for some five minutes, mumbling about needing to be home. Niall with something about a meeting the next day and Harry with something about his dog. Liam had just finished a call from Sophia when Mark or Marcus re-emerged, the founder of A Home for Paws tailing behind him.

"Guys, this is Javadd!" Mark or Marcus said.

It'd felt like the heaviest blunt object had hit the four of them in the stomachs, knocking out the very living air inside them. They couldn't be hallucinating. There was big brown eyes, black hair, and the tattoo of the...

"Javadd, I'm guessing you know One Direction," Mark or Marcus continued, almost hilarious how completely oblivious he was.

He didn't look the same - not at all. There was wear and tear on his face, and years have withered him around the edges. But it was him - sharp cheeks and a beard, almost echoing what he'd looked like the last time. Unrecognizable to others, maybe, but if you'd spent five years with him in the past, there was no mistaking.

"Haha, yeah," Javadd answered, "Who doesn't?"

The four of them stood still, silently hoping one of them broke the silence before the awkwardness became obvious. Relief flooded their chests when Louis took a step forward, shakily holding out his hand.

"How are you?" Louis said, his voice seeming to echo strangely across the arena.

"Good. Nice to meet you," Javadd replied, his face twisting slightly. Louis looked at Mark or Marcus, and wondered if he knew, or if he was really that airheaded that he wouldn't have figured out that Javadd is actually...or maybe Javadd isthat good at hiding and reinventing himself that people like Mark or Marcus don't even notice. 

"Nice to meet you too," Louis replied softly.  

 Javadd let out a reluctant smile as the remaining three shook his hand.

"Met him when I was doing stuff up in Yorkshire," Mark or Marcus said, still unaware, "He was living up somewhere secluded he told me, I'm still not allowed there. But the shelter is brilliant, they've saved so many animals."

The four couldn't do anything but smile and nod. Louis tried to meet Javadd's eyes, but they wouldn't meet his. Louis had come home so many times to Yorkshire, and even when he was still actively looking for him there, he never found him. Louis felt anger bubble up in his chest. How could he make himself known to Mark or Marcus but not a word to him...or them...for seven years. 

Did they hurt him that bad?

"It's no big deal," Javadd replied casually, "We have a lot of dedicated people. Thanks for doing the concert."

They all nodded again. 

He shuffled in that way they'd seen him do so many times all those years ago. 

"Um, mate," he said, turning to Mark or Marcus, "Thank you again for helping the shelter."

Marcus clapped him on the shoulder. "It's no problem."

"And nice meeting you all again," he said to them before turning on his heel and walking off.

They nodded for the third time. 

The four of them all left together some time later. None of them would admit but they scanned the crowd for him before they went through the exit, but they couldn't find him again. 

Like always, they didn't say a word about him. They all said their goodbyes and reminded each other the time to arrive the next day.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this got confusing, basically Louis is friends with a socialite Mark or Marcus, and he's hosting a benefit concert for all these organizations and charities and he invited One Direction to do a reunion concert in it. The band went on for two years after Zayn's departure then disbanded.
> 
> If it isn't obvious, Javadd is Zayn, and he basically "disappeared" or went off the grid after he quit. I don't know how someone could basically erase themselves like that especially at that level of fame, but let's pretend Zayn had the resources to. I always joke about him either buying a zoo or starting an animal shelter so that's what I wrote that he did after 1D. I figured since he wouldn't want people to know him he'd run the shelter under an alias, so I used his middle name. For Mark or Marcus not knowing it's him, I know it's unrealistic lol, but pretend that he's an airhead and that Louis just refused to talk about Zayn with him so he never really knew any details. Also idk how much Zayn could make himself look different with age but he did so yeah!
> 
> I wasn't planning on writing this but I got an idea and I sort of just slapped it on this chapter, that's why it's kinda eh. So I hope you enjoy my attempt!


	3. Live Through This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually don't know where the story is going, I'm making it up as I go along. I just have ideas and I'm deciding to write them down as they come. Obviously by now, this is no longer canon and is just a product of my imagination. 
> 
> I also have no idea how concerts/celebrity charity events work so I'm literally just pretending I do. There's an OC in this chapter, just a warning. The endnotes will explain it
> 
> Anyway here you go.

The next day started extremely early with an extremely stressed Mark or Marcus. The sun had barely peeked through the horizon when Louis' phone rung - and rung non-stop until it bothered him enough to pick it up. He rubbed his eyelids and his ears nearly went numb at Mark or Marcus' screaming. Apparently, there was something about a problem in the sound system. Louis, knowing nothing about the problem, rung up Liam, who he hoped wouldn't murder him at that early hour.

Liam's ringtone gave Chelsea a fright - thinking it was sort of supervillain device and it took him and Sophia a good fifteen minutes telling her it was a phone, and that no, Roger Carr from "The Master of Devices" did not plant a hypnotic device in her dad's phone. It took Louis 17 tries until Liam finally picked up. Twenty minutes later, the two of them found themselves driving to the O2, a scalding hot thermos filled to the brim with coffee in Liam's grip.

The sound system situation wasn't dire at all, after Liam had a good look at it, apparently something had forgotten to get plugged in. Mark or Marcus, who donned dark eyebags, laughed sheepishly and almost passed out in the sound booth. Louis and Liam helped him out and sat him in a seat and told him it was going to be all right. 

Louis held back cursing Mark or Marcus out for dragging them out  _too_ early while Liam called Sophia on the phone. Soon the place was buzzing, and it was a familiar kind of buzz. Louis felt himself being sucked back in time, back to their own shows, watching crew set up entire arenas. Until he'd seen Mark or Marcus with bloodshot eyes he thought about how he'd never realized what a painful job their crew had. He offered to help, though hesitant at first, Mark or Marcus eventually handed him a copy of the day's work.

Niall showed up just before it struck noon, dragging along a box of "Solar Fizz", some new energy drink he was sponsoring. Harry arrived shortly after, muttering something about nearly getting trampled by the press outside, not to mention there was a false alarm for a lose badger. 

The celebrity guests arrived later, the screaming and furious camera flashes outside being the indication. There was the new rising singer, Pamela Dunn, whose heels made her look intimidating, but was soft-spoken when approached. There was the TV announcer who was hosting the current season of The X Factor, Jag Harris, who was buddy-buddy with Niall and took a quick selfie with him. There were a handful of other recent teen idols, that caused a tizzy at the entrance, causing the venue to have to find another way in for the children's choirs and charities.

Mark or Marcus calmed down the closer it got to showtime, as he'd had three bottles of Niall's "Solar Fizz". He'd begun to get jittery so Louis took it to himself to hide the rest of the bottles somewhere Mark or Marcus wouldn't look.

After the four of them had finished their soundcheck, they headed back to their dressing room and slipped into performance outfits. Harry joked about how Lou and Caroline would find them all pleasant now, that the four of them weren't running all over the place when they tried to get them ready for a show. Niall pointed out that they probably wouldn't be wearing, crisp, stiff suits back then either. 

Mark or Marcus entered their dressing room later, telling them that the charities have arrived, pleading with them to take backstage pictures with them for more good press. At that the four of them turned silent, suddenly realizing that it meant they'd bump elbows with  _someone_ again. But they all smiled and agreed, kept a friendly conversation with Mark or Marcus as he took them to where the charities were.  _  
_

The four of them didn't say anything, nor would they admit it, but after the events that followed yesterday, each of them attempted to contact him. 

Harry had forgotten the name of the animal shelter, and spent 40 minutes looking at every animal shelter in the Yorkshire area online. Then it dawned on him that he could just search "yorkshire animal shelter javadd", and he found the website not long after he slapped himself at the forehead. Liam and Niall also found themselves at the website, perusing through the pictures of adoptable animals, mostly dogs and cats and the occasional hamster. They all went through the photos, which showed nothing but various local charity events and pictures of employees smiling next to the rescued animals. Finally, they saw the small "About Us" link at the bottom of the page, and they all hesitantly clicked. And there was a picture of him, and one of him and a woman. 

_"A Home For Paws" is a Yorkshire based animal shelter found by Javadd Salim. Mr. Salim grew up with pets and developed a love for animals as he grew older. After getting his degree in animal science, he put his money toward one of the best animal shelters in Yorkshire. Every year, about 350 animals are placed into good homes..._

He'd used an alias and he'd apparently gotten a degree, something none of them had expected. 

Scrolling past the brief (faked) bio and history of the shelter, there was the contact box and phone numbers. They all froze for a second, then clicked the text box and began writing.

Harry's was:  _Hello, this is Harry Styles. I was wondering if I would be able to speak with Mr. Salim._

Niall's was:  _This is Niall Horan. Thought we should catch up._

Liam's was:  _Hi. It's been a while. It's Liam._

But they'd all erased it, closed their laptops and went to sleep, getting ready for the big day tomorrow.

Louis had asked Mark or Marcus for Javadd's phone number - under the guise that he was thinking about adopting a pet. Oblivious, Mark or Marcus gave it to him. Louis sat up until 11, nearly shaking from nerves, until he decided to press call. Both to his disappointment and relief he got the answering machine.

"Hi, this is Javadd Salim. If you're looking for 'A Home For Paws' the number for the shelter is on the website. If not, leave a message after the tone."

Louis plugged in his phone and slipped under the covers. Somehow the idea that Mark or Marcus didn't know who Javadd really was put ease in Louis's chest. 

But they all pushed the thoughts back when Mark or Marcus began introducing them to charities they haven't met yet. They smiled and took pictures, ignoring the slightly sick feeling in their stomachs of meeting Javadd again. After uploading pictures to Twitter and Instagram, Marcus motioned them over to the left, where the sign "A Home For Paws" was visible on a volunteer's shirt. They all looked at each other for a moment before heading over to where Mark or Marcus was standing. To their relief, he wasn't speaking to Javadd, but a woman.

"This lovely lass couldn't make it yesterday, but this is Nina Galang," Mark or Marcus said, introducing her. 

She had tan skin and dark hair, and fiddled with her fingers before looking up at them.

"Hi," she said. 

She was American. Or Canadian.

"Thanks for the support," she added, voice soft. They could see just behind her, Javadd tending to the dogs they brought over, while sneaking glances in their direction.

"Our pleasure," Niall said, breaking the silence, shaking Nina's hand. 

They all took a quick picture before Mark or Marcus rushed them off to meet the rest of the charities before the show started. They all looked back and they could swear that Javadd watched them leave.

 

Their set was electrifying. The intro pounded with their chests, and when the lights burst and the screams covered the arena, they felt like they'd been pulled 7 years back. It was both familiar and different as they stepped onto the stage and the music began. They sung words they haven't sung in years, and they weren't afraid of forgetting, because it was almost like a habit and a reaction. :yrics flowed smoothly out of their mouths, and as the lights flashed, they swore they saw themselves from years ago. When his parts came up, each of them took turns singing it. They all knew the crowd longed for them to acknowledge it, the spot that had been empty since March 25th, 2015, but none of them did. Even their intro excluded him.

Then they came to realize that he had also changed his name, and wrote himself a new story. As they tried to erase him, he also erased himself. 

They sung "What Makes You Beautiful" for the finale, eliciting other-worldly screams from the crowd. For a moment they expected his voice to sing his part, but when he didn't, Liam jumped in and took it. When the final note hit, streamers burst across the stage, and they all reached for each others' hands and took a bow.

 

The charities all each took turns saying their thanks. The four of them sat in the audience and silently but feverishly wondered if Javadd would come up and say something.

He'd be crazy to. People would recognize him.

Maybe they'd forgotten him too.

Maybe he doesn't care.

Maybe...he'll reveal himself.

"And now, here's the thanks from 'A Home For Paws'!" Mark or Marcus called. They found themselves clutching tightly at their armrests until they saw that it was the lady, Nina Galang, that got up to speak.

"I um," she began, clearing her throat, "I would like to thank all of the people who donated to help the shelter. I'm honored to be a part of this."

They craned their necks waiting to see if Javadd would walk out, but then Mark or Marcus called out the next charity.

 

The after-party was nothing like the ones they'd attended in their hey-day. It was quieter, and they were sure there weren't children and dogs there. Mark or Marcus had called the hottest new catering business in London - Jazz Eats, which was run by two culinary school dropouts.  There were steaks and some chicken, and after the dessert was dished out, some of the choir children had began to exert the energy from their sugar rushes. At that point, Liam left to go be with Sophia and Chelsea. Harry and Louis left soon after. Niall found himself outside at the back, with a cigarette he nicked from someone, also wishing he'd nicked a lighter too. 

He checked his phone, seeing the text from his driver that he was stuck in traffic. 

Niall leaned against the cold wall and let his thoughts drift off about the the newest musician he was producing for, when someone said "Need a light?"

He turned to his left and nearly dropped dead when he saw Javadd, standing right beside him.

"Uh," Niall said, "Sure."

Javadd lit up Niall's cigarette, then his. They both stood there in silence for a few moments before Niall said "First time at these kinda things?"

Javadd looked at him strangely. Niall was surprised that he found himself playing along, despite the fact that they both knew. Despite the fact that no one was around to find out.

"No," Javadd replied casually, "I've been to a few."

He wasn't lying, Niall thought. He nodded.

"Glad you came along with that lighter," Niall said. 

Javadd gave him a small smile. 

"No problem. You smoke often?" he asked.

"Just sometimes," Niall replied, "I used to smoke casually with a friend."

 Javadd nodded. Niall knew he knew that it was about him.

Before Niall could say more, they heard the sounds of approaching footsteps. They turned to see Nina coming up from the back exit.

"Hey Z, they're -"

She stopped in her tracks when she spotted Niall.

Javadd looked at Niall before turning his attention back to her.

"What's up?" he called.

Nina stayed the distance.

"They're getting ready to go," she replied, "The dogs are getting tired and Malcolm is complaining about the drive back to Yorkshire."

Javadd chuckled. 

"Tell Malcolm we'll buy him coffee," he said, "But I'll be right there, babe."

Nina smiled, looked at Niall again, then went off.

Javadd put out his cigarette and threw it in the bin beside them.

"You guys are going to drive home this time of night? Lots of hotels around here," Niall said.

"No money," Javadd said as he headed back, "A lot of volunteers came, plus no hotels would take dogs."

"I see," Niall said. 

Javadd waved as he disappeared behind the door. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first, congratulations to Zayn for winning an award at the Asian Awards. 
> 
> Also second, yeah, Nina is Zayn's girlfriend or whatever. I don't really write het and I'm not too into it, but there's a lack of 1D/WOC fics so I figure I'd insert a bit into this. This could also be practice for me writing het lol. Nina is Filipina if you didn't catch it, yeah it's slightly a self insert and kind of self gratification but what 1D/OC fic isn't lol.
> 
> Again, sorry if this is confusing, when I write this, I just type out what's spilling out of my brain. Feel free to ask questions. 
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	4. All That Way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is pretty short. It just popped into my head.

No one had told him that the toll fee had risen since he'd last driven himself. He'd fumbled with his wallet and falling loose change for a good four minutes at the toll, and just as he was sure the lady could recognize him, he drove off.

The GPS told him to drive 5km up an unfamiliar road. He'd cruised through the main town, already. And as he drove on, the houses and buildings grew more sparse, and the amount of trees thickened. He'd been so used to a driver watching the GPS, he nearly missed his turn.

"In 80 meters turn left and arrive at your destination: 'A Home For Paws'."

He rolled down his window, frosty air whipped against his cheeks. The shelter is three blocky white buildings sitting on top of a small hill. He chuckled to himself, as for some reason he never thought he'd get there. He eyed a sign for the parking lot and parked his car in a far corner. He slipped on a pair of sunglasses and threw his scarf over his neck. He hadn't realized how nervous he was until his shaky foot hit the ground. 

He took a deep breath.

He really didn't think he'd get this far. He hadn't a plan at all.

The walk up the small hill seemed harder than it should've been, and by the time he'd reached the door, he was slightly out of breath. He didn't know whether to chalk it up to nerves or being out of shape. He stood there for a moment, hesitant, thinking that it wasn't too late then, he could turn back around, hop in his car and brush off the daytrip as some kind of random drive. Instead, he found himself pushing the door forward, ringing a bell. He nearly jumped out of his skin. 

The young woman at the front desk looked up immediately. He made out the name "Janice" on her name tag.

"How can I help you?" she asked.

He walked slowly toward her, before reminding himself not to take his sunglasses off.

"I um..," he stuttered, quickly glancing around the room. The floor tiles were decorated with a pawprint in the middle, and the walls were a soothing mint. There were all sorts of decals, all in the shape of animals plastered on the wall. To his right was a large corkboard, with pictures of people posing with dogs. He looked at the front desk and caught a picture of him - and that woman, Nina, standing together with two dogs.

"Home for Paws: Found by Javadd Salim and Nina Galang," it read at the bottom.

"Sir."

He was suddenly snapped out of thoughts, and looked up at Janice again, slight exasperation in her face.

"Sorry," he replied, trying to smile, "Is Mr. Salim in today?" 

"Yes, did you have a meeting?" Janice asked, her fingers flying over a keyboard on the desk.

He gulped.

"No."

"Well," Janice said, eyes on the screen below her, "He doesn't have any meetings right now. Would do you need him for?"

He nervously tapped his foot on the floor.

"I well...someone r-referred me to him..," he answered.

Janice looked at him for a second before looking back at the screen again.

"About...adoptions? Charity? What?" she asked slowly.

He dug his nails into his palms. 

"A-adoptions," he said, "Heard he was the best with rescues."

Janice nodded slowly.

"Okay," she said, "I'll go let him know then I'll come back for you."

He heard a faint barking from the back.

"G-good."

Janice let herself out of the desk, and before she could turn to leave, she looked at him again. 

"Not to be rude, but you look a lot like -"

"Yeah!" he quickly said, "I know, I get that a lot."

"You could be twins," Janice added before turning her heel and walking off. 

He felt his stomach sink to his feet. His heart pounded as he listened to Janice's footsteps falter, drowned out by the sounds of barking in the back. He took one more look at the picture of him and the Nina woman as he heard a door open. There was a faint conversation, and as soon as the door closed again, he thought his heart would thud out of his chest.

He was out the door before Janice called to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's supposed to be super vague on which guy it was that came down to see him. If I keep writing this, I'll reveal it later probably, but as for now you can kind of just put the guy you want in there.


	5. Gravity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A flashback chapter. I'm doing the vague thing again, so for now just pretend that's it's the boy you want it to be lol.
> 
> This is kind of sad.
> 
> Enjoy.

The definition of "elephant in the room" was the first day back on tour, in Cardiff, after their long break. After he'd gone. 

It was like getting a car with one missing door, driving off, yet nobody seemed to mention the missing door. And when the car would turn, you'd just hold tightly onto your seat and hope you don't fall out. 

When they arrived that early morning, it felt strange. Nobody brought him up, not a word, not a mention, not even an indirect. They went through the motions of rehearsing the staging and getting settled backstage. In the back of their minds they'd left just a little extra space onstage for someone who wouldn't be there. They'd held the door open expecting a fifth person to walk in, even though there wasn't, and for a second they almost asked why there was mic pack missing. When they caught glimpse of the new merch - all without him, it sunk just a bit. He was gone. He wasn't coming back. 

It'd been sometime after soundcheck, when it was the busiest. After working their way through a few sets, and the strange new setting was starting to feel normal. He'd just hopped off the stage and made his way to the back. The sound of shuffling and footsteps polluted the air, and everywhere you turned, there was someone who needed to be somewhere, and needed to be there now. He wandered around backstage looking for a bottle of water to quench his dry throat. 

"Better not mess up that hair," Lou called as he passed her. He gave her a wry smile and a thumbs up, getting an eye roll in return. When he reached the dressing room, the all-familiar sound of vocal warm-ups hit his ears. He figured he should join them, but a drink of water first. He found the cooler in one of the lounging areas and pulls himself out an ice cold bottle of water. The cold felt good going down, and just as he closed the cooler lid he'd heard something that made his stomach twist.

_My hands, your hands,  
_ _Tied up like two ships..._

His head spun...it couldn't have been anyone else. Anyone else didn't sound like that. 

_Drifting, weightless,  
_ _Wind trying to break it..._

He heard other voices warming up and followed it, an unsettling feelings in his chest.

_I'd do anything to save it.  
_

He burst through the other lounge, the rest jumping in surprise as he stood by the doorway.

"You scared us!" one of them said, chuckling.

_Why is it so hard to save it?_

It was coming from computer speakers. He froze and stared at them.

"We're rehearsing strong?" he asked. They all looked at each other nervously.

"Yeah," someone replied, "We were seeing who could sing Z-"

"Oh, okay," he said, "Got you."

No one would bring him up again, or attempt to for the longest time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this being short! I keep having ideas and they tend to just be little vignettes. I'll try to write a longer chapter soon.


	6. Letter Read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, hope you enjoy!
> 
> The striked out paragaph is an erased message I hope it's not too confusing.

_hi this is harry im only telling you because i don't know if you still have the same number. i know we haven't spoken properly in a while and i feel like maybe i could've done something so you weren't this miserable with us you know? i don't know i that makes sense. i haven't really been here for you in the longest time, so i don't know why i'm the one sending this. but um, yeah. tour ended and we're going to work on the 5th album. you wouldn't like it, i know you really didn't like the last two albums either. was that another thing? how you maybe just let the four of us pick and choose everything? you could've spoken up, but then again i think we would've clashed. i'm sorry you weren't happy. i just want to know did we really hurt you that bad? after i was really angry at you for leaving i thought about that. but no one around here wants to talk about you or even say your name. it's weird, but i guess it gets rid of awkwardness. i hope you are well._

 

*sending...*

*message not sent*

 

~~_hi, this is harry i don't know if this is still your phone number but i wanted to see if you were well. the tour just ended and we're going to record the 5th album soon. i was mad at you for a while for leaving but i've given it a lot of thought and i was wondering if we've really hurt you that bad? was there things i did also? there is less tension within the band but there's this weird_ ~~

_hi, this is harry. i hope this is still your phone number. tour just ended and you have some jumpers and trousers that were still mixed in with our luggage. caroline has them, so if you want them, give her a ring yeah? hope you are well._

 

*sending*

*sent*

 

*1 new message*

 

**thanks harry.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So was it Harry who tried to go see him? Maybe...maybe not :)
> 
> Anyway, I hope this made sense? It's text messages and if it's confusing to you just kind of let me know. It's a new writing style I'm trying.


End file.
